Imposter

When I was around twelve, I began my first foray into writing. It was 2007 and Twilight was in every pre-teen girl's (and gay boy's) hands. Never have so many of us been gripped by this odd fantastical tension or angst before. It was quite a unique time that led to my friend group being inspired to write "books" (really none of our attention spans at the time allowed us to pass the twelve-page mark, so they were short stories at best) around vampires. Being twelve, my creative limits were nearly all influenced by what singular thing had consumed my brain at the time, so my story ended up resembling some Twilight-adjacent fan-fiction. I don't think I have to tell you that it was terrible. I couldn't even admit that it was even a cheesier carbon copy of the already cheesy series.

But I loved it. I thought I could give Ms. Meyer a run for her money. Daydreams of who I would cast as my own Bella and Edward paraded in my head during English class.

Until someone else actually read it, and her name was Alex. She said that it was the worst thing she had ever read and I should never write again. She singularly destroyed me and my desire to write at a rapid pace that squandered all my writing creativity as quickly as it appeared. I ripped up the red, pen-marked copy she handed back to me and never even thought about writing again (for a while at least).

This little anecdote is to say how I think we all have an Alex. It's the critic inside of you, that voice inside your head that tells you that can't do something you aspire to. It scares you and doesn't let you grow. It's been so many years and sometimes, when I'm feeling insecure about my writing or ideas, I can still hear her judgemental voice in the back of my head, halting the flow of my thoughts.

Imposter syndrome affects so many of us, and it seems to bleed into every career and aspiration. But what if we stopped listening to that judgment when it arises? We don't tell others what they're doing or aspiring to is stupid, so why do it to ourselves? Of course, it's easier said than done, but I challenge myself (and you) to simply continue striving and doing what you love without worrying if you're good enough. Because you don't always have to be good. But you can't even be good if you're not trying.